The Grace We Give Ourselves (Or Don’t)

Like many of you, I had a plan. Of course, I did. I’m a planner by nature. Google Calendars, color-coded sticky notes, the whole nine. But as life would have it, plans, like pressed hair in humidity, don’t always hold up.

You know the feeling. One moment you’re juggling work deadlines, parenting, squeezing in self-care, telling yourself you’re so close to having it all figured out. And then, bam, something falls through. Maybe it’s a missed gym session, a project that didn’t pan out, or just sheer exhaustion that takes you out of the game for a day (or three).

Cue the guilt spiral.

In therapy, this conversation comes up all the time. Clients tell me about how they “should” be doing more. “I should be better at this,” “I shouldn’t feel this way,” “I should have known better.” And I get it. We’re wired to believe that progress is linear, that success means hitting every marker right on time.

Spoiler: it’s not.

This is where grace steps in. And let me tell you, grace is the friend we all need in the inner circle. The one who pours you a glass, looks you dead in the eye, and says, “Honey, give yourself a break.”

Grace says, “It’s okay if today didn’t go as planned. You’re still doing your best. You’re still worthy of rest, love, and kindness.”

Now, I know what you’re thinking: Easier said than done, right? We can be downright brutal with ourselves.

But think of it this way; if a friend told you they skipped their workout because they were too drained, you’d probably tell them, “Good for you—listening to your body!” But when it’s you? Suddenly, it’s a full-blown character indictment.

Here’s a little therapy secret; Progress isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. When we allow ourselves grace, we create space to learn from what didn’t go as planned instead of spiraling into shame. And that’s where real growth happens.

So, next time your day (or week, or month) veers off course, take a breath.

Pour yourself that metaphorical—or literal—glass of wine (or whatever). And remind yourself that plans are guides, not prisons. You’re not failing; you’re living. And life, in all its messy unpredictability, is still yours.

Also, if you need someone to remind you? Therapy is always here for that, too.